Lesson 6: The Past is History, Present a ‘real present’

I (think) I am a very patient person. It takes a lot to hassle and anger me. Yet, both my kids are able to do this quite successfully every once in a while. And this ‘success’ implies that all logical entreaties, outpourings of love, assertive statements to get them to comply are of no use. We have reached the final stage – that of anger and shouting or even more, of using physical punishment (often a slap on the bum or getting them to do 50 sit-ups or 50 jumping jacks).

Now in this final stage, both kids use various strategies to get me to dial down the escalation level (e.g., start wailing till the neighbors ring the bell, change their face to reflect the innocence of 50 rabbits, apologize profusely, run to their grandmother). However, I don’t relent – I insist on going through with the ‘stated punishment’ and I win (most times) since I am an adult and they are still kids. After getting beaten or after a set of sit-ups, they cry or sulk for 10 mins max.

What happens afterwards is truly miraculous – they come back to me and ask, “Papa, will you read this book to us?” or “Shall we play [xx] game?”. The impact of the punishment and its aftermath is over almost as if it never happened. They are fully in the zone and have moved forward – whereas, I am still thinking about my behavior – feeling guilty partially, feeling a sense of remorse or even vindication at having corrected a wrong! So I am still caught up in the past, whereas they have moved ahead in life…

This is true not just about the interactions with me but also amongst themselves. In one moment, the two siblings are each other’s worst enemies, pulling hair, taunting and teasing each other. A few minutes later, all that is forgotten and they are the best of buddies, collaborating to make something or playing contentedly in silence. By the time, I decide to intervene in a tense situation between them, the situation is normalized as if the crisis had never happened!

My reflection: As adults, we are living a large part of our life in the past, sometimes the past is years old (often decades). Enmities and grudges of yore are nursed to this day – children just look ahead. Even the immediate past is but a memory for them – and yet, as we grow big, we forget ‘how to forget’ and learn to ‘keep scores’ for eternity.

In the Hindu scriptures, one of the tenets is that God is like a child and that children are reflections of God. Of course, this has several interpretations – children are innocent and guileless like God, children are pure like God etc. One of the most profound concepts, going beyond some of these obvious interpretations is that Divinity is all about ‘living in the present’ – not sulking about the past nor agonizing about the future. And this is exactly what kids do! How I wish I am able to let go – and more importantly, how I hope that my kids learn to keep doing what they are doing now – LIVING THE PRESENT MOMENT!