One of the most critical questions that I always grapple with on
weekends or when on family vacations is ‘how to help my kids spend their time
in a constructive, creative and productive manner’. This involves coming up
with all sorts of games, activities, books and trying to make sure they are not
bored at all. When on vacations, I am always inquiring about the kids play area
or activities that kids can do for several hours that do not involve i-Pads, mobile
phones, video games and TV. I had almost started priding myself on my ability
to keep coming up with newer stuff for the kids to do.
On a particular weekend, I was getting really worried and stressed –
I had not found anything for the kids to do. I was fretting and doing all kinds
of random things like searching the internet for new activities in the area,
reading blogs for inspiration etc. My wife was relaxed – I asked her, “What
will the kids do in the afternoon? We don’t have anything for them. I don’t
want them to watch TV”. My wife almost ignored me – seeing that my agitation
was just increasing, she said, “They will find something to do. You don’t need
to worry”. Really??? I was thinking how is that possible – they will get so
bored. They wont have a good time at all. Seeing that I was still flustered, my
wife said, “Why do you think that their time is your responsibility every time?
If they don’t find something, they will face the consequences i.e., feel
bored.”
After that, I gave up trying to ‘plan their free time’. In the
afternoon, even as my wife slept, I could not contain myself. So I peeped into
the kids play room and was totally shocked. Ehaan was playing with his toy
animals – he had organized a party for them. Asya was writing a ‘family story’.
They were so engrossed in their own games that they did not even notice me
coming in and then, leaving. Since then, I have given up trying to find things
to do for them every time. Of course, we still try to do new things and have
fun-learn in novel ways but my stress has reduced. As I have stopped doing this
for them always, I have also observed how they come up with stuff on their own
–
■
Observing stones and leaves of
different kinds, trying to paint the stones or draw faces on them
■
Cut paper into all kinds of
shapes and create a ‘parallel paper universe’
■
Watch a spider for 1 hour
without any interference, just observation
■
Clicking photos using the
selfie stick and then arranging them into a file titled ‘Family’
■
Coloring anything that does not
move
■
Nail-polish (for boy and girl)
■
Listening to the noises that
utensils of different shapes and sizes make
■
Pillow-fights (and other
similarly violent and potentially ‘cryable’ activities)
■
Jumping on the bed, falling
down and cracking up in laugher
■
Telling the same joke 100 times
(favourite one: Shall I tell you a joke? Your bum broke. Ha ha ha!)
My reflection: Kids are creative and resilient.
They find things to occupy their time within the constraints set for them –
this is an important part of their growing up process. They learn to take
responsibility for the most important resource in their life – time! I think in
today’s times, adults do 2 mistakes – 1) Try to ensure that every second of the
kids’ waking time is utilized productively and meaningfully (and hence you have
the 4+ classes/trainings per day – after all, the kid has to become an
Einstein, Sachin Tendulkar and VS Naipaul all rolled into one, while still
being able to play the piano and excel at public speaking) or (2) Ignore the
child’s time – better still, give a gadget in their hand and let them do
whatever they want.
Don’t know which of the two
is the lesser evil – I have seen tired kids coming home from yet another
coaching dying to take rest only to be given a glass of milk and told to bugger
off for the next training. I have also seen kids at restaurant tables or in
flights glued to their parents’ mobile phone or iPad paying no attention to the
world around them. A kid I know cannot even sit on the potty seat without his
iPad in hand. It is almost as if the scenario in the movie, Matrix is panning
out, just that instead of tubes into our brains, we have devices in our hands
which are controlling us.
