My kids love the iPad. They love
to watch a lot of TV. They like to eat a lot of junk food. They know several
ways to ask for these – sometimes, it is a ‘reward for good behavior’, at other
times it is a guilt trip (“You were away for so long and now you are tired and
want to sleep – atleast let me watch TV”) and sometimes it is just an
irrational demand (“If you want me to do X… then I need to play on the iPad”). They
have learnt this behavior from their surroundings – watching other kids keep
playing on the phones, PS2 and endless Temple (or Ninja) runs.
Now, my wife and I are both strict
and yet considerate (or so we like to think and believe!). We have explained to
them the drawbacks of too much TV, too much iPad and too much junk food. We had
tons of conversations on the pros-cons of these issues – some of these debates
lasted for minutes (ended by a loud wailing) and others lasted for hours on end.
Neither side wanted to give up and we were at a quandary as to how to get our
kids to ‘comply without using a loud voice or tough hands’. What amazed us was
the kinds of questions our kids asked us during these debates (and they must
have harassed us with hundreds of these) –
■
If TV is bad, why do you watch [favorite
serial season X] at night? Lets measure who watches more TV – us, grandpa or
you?
■
If iPad is bad, why does
everyone we know have not one but 2-3 iPads? On vacations, we don’t get to take
our iPad but [xx, a close friend’s son]
always gets his
■
You tell us too much junk food
is not good for our health and still, we saw our family doctor in McDonalds
with his family. How is that possible?
■
Why does grandma watch her
serials for 2 hours every day and we are not allowed to do what she does ONLY
on this matter? Why don’t you put similar restrictions on grandma – she watches
2 serials every day…
■
Why are you glued to your
mobile phone for so long but we are not allowed the iPad? If the mobile is
good, then why not the iPad? Actually, the iPad is larger – so it is less
harmful to the eyes
■
Why is playing on the Nintendo PlayStation
(even an action game which involves moving the body vigorously) not like
exercise? We can play tennis, boxing, running and even skip rope on the PS2 –
then we wont need to go to the playground
■
Why is watching news channels
“good” but watching cartoons “bad”? We are also inspired by seeing super-heroes
do good deeds – is that wrong?
■
Is good or bad decided by who
is doing it? Or by what is being done? So, if Papa talks a lot on the phone and
so do I (kiddos), it must be equally bad or good
Of course, we tried to push back
using the logic of ‘everything has to be done in moderation’, ‘not everything
adults do is good for kids’ and ‘there is a right place and time for
everything’. Our kids then not only started complying and ‘doing things the
right way’ but also over time, turned the tables and created home rules (incl.
for us), like
■
No TV during dinner for
Mama-Papa also
■
No mobile phone when kids want
to play with Mama-Papa; concept of mobile-free hour
■
Distinguish between iPad for
entertainment and iPad for education. The time on the two is NOT fungible
■
De-stressing involves cuddling
and not switching on the remote
■
Equality between movie time for
adults and movie time for kids
My reflection: Engaging in questions (however
uncomfortable) enables kids to learn and imbibe at a different level and also
helps them create their own logical system. Now, technology and its usage gives
rise to so many questions and yet, it is imperative to engage in dialogue with
kids. They have the right to question various things, especially when the
answers to many of them are going to form the basis of several foundational
values in their life e.g., balance over extremes, questioning is important –
answers may not be to your liking but the right to questions is a basic one. On
a different note, how I wish I had asked more questions in my childhood, rather
than focusing on finding the best answers for questions asked by others!
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