Lesson 8: Filling Time 'Productively'

One of the most critical questions that I always grapple with on weekends or when on family vacations is ‘how to help my kids spend their time in a constructive, creative and productive manner’. This involves coming up with all sorts of games, activities, books and trying to make sure they are not bored at all. When on vacations, I am always inquiring about the kids play area or activities that kids can do for several hours that do not involve i-Pads, mobile phones, video games and TV. I had almost started priding myself on my ability to keep coming up with newer stuff for the kids to do.

On a particular weekend, I was getting really worried and stressed – I had not found anything for the kids to do. I was fretting and doing all kinds of random things like searching the internet for new activities in the area, reading blogs for inspiration etc. My wife was relaxed – I asked her, “What will the kids do in the afternoon? We don’t have anything for them. I don’t want them to watch TV”. My wife almost ignored me – seeing that my agitation was just increasing, she said, “They will find something to do. You don’t need to worry”. Really??? I was thinking how is that possible – they will get so bored. They wont have a good time at all. Seeing that I was still flustered, my wife said, “Why do you think that their time is your responsibility every time? If they don’t find something, they will face the consequences i.e., feel bored.”

After that, I gave up trying to ‘plan their free time’. In the afternoon, even as my wife slept, I could not contain myself. So I peeped into the kids play room and was totally shocked. Ehaan was playing with his toy animals – he had organized a party for them. Asya was writing a ‘family story’. They were so engrossed in their own games that they did not even notice me coming in and then, leaving. Since then, I have given up trying to find things to do for them every time. Of course, we still try to do new things and have fun-learn in novel ways but my stress has reduced. As I have stopped doing this for them always, I have also observed how they come up with stuff on their own –

■      Observing stones and leaves of different kinds, trying to paint the stones or draw faces on them

■      Cut paper into all kinds of shapes and create a ‘parallel paper universe’

■      Watch a spider for 1 hour without any interference, just observation

■      Clicking photos using the selfie stick and then arranging them into a file titled ‘Family’

■      Coloring anything that does not move

■      Nail-polish (for boy and girl)

■      Listening to the noises that utensils of different shapes and sizes make

■      Pillow-fights (and other similarly violent and potentially ‘cryable’ activities)

■      Jumping on the bed, falling down and cracking up in laugher

■      Telling the same joke 100 times (favourite one: Shall I tell you a joke? Your bum broke. Ha ha ha!)

My reflection: Kids are creative and resilient. They find things to occupy their time within the constraints set for them – this is an important part of their growing up process. They learn to take responsibility for the most important resource in their life – time! I think in today’s times, adults do 2 mistakes – 1) Try to ensure that every second of the kids’ waking time is utilized productively and meaningfully (and hence you have the 4+ classes/trainings per day – after all, the kid has to become an Einstein, Sachin Tendulkar and VS Naipaul all rolled into one, while still being able to play the piano and excel at public speaking) or (2) Ignore the child’s time – better still, give a gadget in their hand and let them do whatever they want.

Don’t know which of the two is the lesser evil – I have seen tired kids coming home from yet another coaching dying to take rest only to be given a glass of milk and told to bugger off for the next training. I have also seen kids at restaurant tables or in flights glued to their parents’ mobile phone or iPad paying no attention to the world around them. A kid I know cannot even sit on the potty seat without his iPad in hand. It is almost as if the scenario in the movie, Matrix is panning out, just that instead of tubes into our brains, we have devices in our hands which are controlling us.